Developing Perspective During a Crisis

We laugh to survive. Then, with joy we thrive

Mary Anne Radmacher

For many of us, having to limit ourselves by working from home, forgoing favorite bars and restaurants, and having children underfoot for weeks on end, sounds and feels like a nightmare. Wanting a perspective, I asked my mother, who was a child in the days of polio quarantines (as well as scarlet fever, rubella, mumps and measles), what her experience was like. My mother quipped, “We all got through it. But my poor mother, she was stuck in the house with three girls for six weeks! We didn’t have television, computers, or cell phones, so we used our imaginations.” She told me stories of how the grocer would deliver food and leave it on the front steps. “People worked together we did what we had to do. People were kinder.”

Thinking about my own fears over the current coronavirus, it hit me that I could use this time to gain perspective on the past, while honing my survival skills to traverse the sea of isolation knowing this will end, and life will once again flourish. My father, who is unafraid of covid-19, said “this will run its course, but in the mean-time people have to keep their sense of humor.” Getting perspective on the recent inconveniences, reminds me, like all things in life, this too is temporary. Let’s open our eyes to the silver linings.

This could be an opportunity to build on family time, to communicate face to face more (as long as you don’t kill each other!).

You could use this time to teach your kids empathy for others. Have them write a letter or draw a picture to their grandparents or relatives that live far away. For the older children, have them write a report or research about polio, scarlet fever, or rubella or maybe have them write a play or short story about what it was like to live back in the 1930’s or 40’s. Write poems and read them aloud, or play a storytelling game, one person starts the story, then pass it on to the next person, until the last person wraps it up creating one gigantic whopper of a tail.

Aside from the work they brought home from school, you could get creative on home projects. If you have the space, have them build a makeshift fort in the backyard, or plant seeds in dixie cups (use the seeds of apples or oranges). Give them daily chores teaching them the value of pitching in. Most children want to feel useful, now is a perfect time to let them. They could fold laundry (so what if it’s not perfect), set and clean up the dinner table, clean out the closet that hasn’t seen the light of day for years.

You can also use this time to remember universal vulnerabilities, and to help those you can. Call your parents or loved ones on a regular basis. Check in with them more than normal, it helps allay fears. The comforting sound of a voice reassures those who are isolated to feel connected, that they are not alone. Be sensitive to others, offer your extras to those in need, let go of little luxuries you can do without. Offer to donate those things you never or rarely use but they may help out a family in need. Turn the tides on those panicky feelings that may arise during this crisis. Get out of your own head and ask how can I help?

Keep moving, even when you’re stuck. Move the furniture, throw on some tunes, and dance. Exercise keeps the feel-good endorphins flowing. Go online and take a yoga or Pilates class. If you have kids, keep them moving too, get innovative do homemade boot camp (kids love this!). Make moving part of your daily routine. If you have a spiritual practice, fold that into the family mix; chant or pray together, read aloud inspirational messages. How you respond to crises imprints on your children. If you stay calm and thoughtful, it is lot easier for them to cope. Be honest though, share your fears and frustrations with older children, talk about how you as a family are going to deal with it. Children, like adults, feel more secure when there’s a plan in place.

Be grateful for your friends and family. Think about bygone days when a loved one moved or went to war and you never knew if you’d see them again. Reflect on those who are under the siege of war, and now must deal with coronavirus or those in refugee camps already under horrific conditions. I am not suggesting that we look at the sufferings of others to compare, I am suggesting that we put things in perspective. You may not be able to get your nails filled, your eyebrows groomed our get to your favorite yoga studio, but you still have free will. No one can take that from you, its inherent a birthright.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day, usually a day of festivities but under the circumstances we’ll celebrate in the confines of our homes. Throw on something green, play some good ole fashion Celtic music, sing aloud, dance a jig and remember that once upon a time, the Irish in America were scorned, isolated, refused. But their perseverance, rose above the prejudices, and changed the course of their history. Perspectives are powerful reminders. I want to try and remember my parents’ reflections on their much worse experiences with quarantines, and know that we can all get through this challenge with a bit of kindness and a healthy sense of humor.